How to Build Confidence

When I first went into business for myself, I was confident that I had the marketing tactics my clients needed. I was also confident that I would learn to be a strategic advisor. What I didn't realize was that I did not have confidence that I would be able to run my own business. The biggest challenge is that I didn't even know it!

Nonetheless, I pounded the pavement and successfully landed several clients within just a few months. I was pleased with my progress, but couldn't help but notice that at every networking event I attended, I was hit on by men. I even had several male clients who were hitting on me while we worked together. I was alarmed: I wanted to be taken seriously ... as a serious professional! I immediately decided that I didn't look "serious" or "professional" enough.

I made a list - How to look more professional:

• Buy some fake eyeglasses
• Learn how to style a classy chignon
  
• Buy some business suits that made me look frumpy
  

Needless to say, the above list did not actually solve my problem. Instead, I realized that the trouble was not in how I dressed on the outside, but how I felt about myself on the inside. As a business owner and a professional, I was not confident, and my clients and prospects (and the men at networking events) could sense my vulnerability.

In fact, I learned that most people in business will admit that their greatest fear is that they will be exposed for not being as smart/professional/sophisticated as other people think they are. This comes not from the fact that we are not smart/professional/sophisticated, but that we don't believe that we are.

Thus, I created a new list - How to build confidence in my professional abilities:

• Keep a list of all of my professional successes - big and small
• Keep a list documenting anytime someone says something positive about my professional abilities
  
• Before any event or meeting at which I will meet clients or prospects, review the above lists and remember that I am in fact smart/professional/sophisticated
• Do my homework before meetings and events so that I know who will be there and what is important to them so that I can speak confidently about those subjects
  

It worked! I stopped getting hit upon at every networking event, and discovered that I can do more to impact how people perceive me by tweaking my inside than I can by tweaking the outside.

Of course, I must admit ...when an optometrist found that I had a very slight vision problem, I still jumped at the opportunity to get glasses :-)

Balancing Perfection with Getting Things Done

When you start a business, you need to establish some basic marketing materials: a logo; a website; a brochure; stationery; etc. I have noticed (in my work with clients) that some people have more trouble getting through these steps than others, and I think it has something to do with striving for perfection, which can also be thought of as a fear of doing things wrong.

Some psychologists say that in pursuing perfection we are actually avoiding failure. We are so afraid of putting ourselves out there that we hold back, delaying the processes that will make us a possible target for feedback.

What I have found is that putting our faith in someone else and allowing that person to help by building a website for us, or putting out a press release on our business, or otherwise promoting us to the world, can be terrifying for someone striving for perfection.

But, of course, we can't just ignore our perfectionist tendencies. Sometimes they are valid signals that the quality we seek is not being achieved. Thus, the true challenge is learning to discern perfectionism, or the avoidance of fear, from quality action, or the pursuit of something that accurately reflects us.

Obviously, this is not easy, and it is something that I and my clients struggle with regularly. What I have found is that just becoming aware of this balancing act and having empathy for our fear can sometimes help us get to quality action.