Sometimes You Need a Map

Tonight I got mad. I was so mad that it's quite possible that I was raising my voice in anger as I "discussed" a difficult situation at work. The recipients of my rant were none other than my dear husband and, I'm sorry to say, my sweet little daughter.

I was really trying to manage my tone of voice and frustration, but the truth is that both of them knew that I was working myself into a worse and worse state of mind. Luckily, this is pretty rare, but I find that once I start on that negative spiral, it is sooooo hard to pick myself up, turn around, and head in the other direction and see the positives.

When I woefully exclaimed "I'm stuck!," my ingenious daughter remembered that when Dora needs to get un-stuck, she simply calls on her map to find the way. She helpfully pulled out her Dora book and showed me the map of how to get to the Mermaid Kingdom. She then proceeded to physically pull me up off the couch to encourage me to follow the map's instructions so that I could become un-stuck.

I almost cried, but then I realized that a map was exactly what I did need! I was able to shake off some of the anger, and read my little one another book before I put her to bed. Then I sat down at my desk and mapped out how I was going to handle the situation I am facing. I cannot make the situation go away, but I can make the anger and frustration subside by recognizing the path that I need to take, and how I can overcome the obstacles.

Thus, I realized that sometimes it is the very fact that I have a life that I am able to bring balance to my work.

3 Ways to Build a Business that doesn't Suck You Dry

Something that I have noticed in my business coaching work is that many entrepreneurs have built themselves a company that sucks them dry. The joy and passion that got them started slowly dwindles and eventually they end up depressed and angry with themselves for getting the business-building-bug in the first place.

It doesn't have to be that way!

Here are 3 Ways to Build a Business that doesn't Suck You Dry:

1. Know what you want: what lifestyle are you looking for? Are you single and willing to work 24-7? Are you married with children and only have a limited amount of time and energy available? Build your business according to the lifestyle you want first. Nothing else matters as much as this!


2. Know what you need: how much money do you need to make? Take a hard look at the market or industry that you are considering, and make sure that it will be able to afford you the income that you desire based on the answer to Question No. 1


3. Get help: hire people to help you strategically based on what you don't like to do. Try to avoid the perfectionist trap of not being able to let go of all the tasks because you don't think that anyone can do them as well as you can. In order to achieve your answer to Question No. 1, you simply must figure out how to get and accept help.
   

3 Things I Learned from "Getting Things Done"

Getting Things Done is a great book that covers all sort of organizational concepts. It's pretty overwhelming if you think that you have to do everything suggested, so I thought it might be helpful to break down the concepts that I gleaned from the book that have improved my office (and life) organization:

1. Alphabetize your files - I know this sounds silly, but for some reason I never did this. I think that I just figured I don't have enough files. Well, now that I've done it, I can find files so much faster, and it makes the act of filing almost pain-free.


2. Organize your to-do list - The book has a little bit of a crazy system in which you have both short- and long-term to-do lists. This was a bit much for me, but I did sit down and figure out exactly what type of to-do list would work for my lifestyle, and it is making a difference in my productivity.
   


3. Commit to a single calendar and keep it up-to-date - Again, this is such a simple thing, but it really made an impact when I took a look at the calendaring system I was using and discovered that it wasn't quite fitting my needs. I immediately went to Staples and found the calendar of my dreams, and it has kept me on-track ever since.

Work-Life Soundtrack

Each morning, I schedule 30 minutes of self care (quick meditation, a cup of tea and daydreaming), and 30 minutes of work while my little one watches a video. Thus, my work-life soundtrack consists of songs from Dora the Explorer. At least it is positive - I find myself singing "We did it! We did it! We did it!" all day as a result of my office being next to her bedroom.

Ah ...the joys of working from home.

I am not Superwoman

Sometimes I have to be really careful when planning my work days. With just three full days available on which to schedule meetings, I have a tendency to over-book them.

Back-to-back meetings were totally do-able (and didn't require a second thought!) before my daughter was born. In the past three years, however, although it is possible for me to make it through a fully-booked day, it can be really dangerous for my physical and mental health.

I end up feeling depleted, have almost nothing left to give to my family in the evening, and there is definitely no room for self-care. Without the energy to bolster myself, this depletion extends into the following work day, making the cycle come full-circle and thus impact both my personal and my professional lives.

Today I didn't realize that I had (once again) booked myself in back-to-back intensive meetings until I was halfway through them. Luckily, I was able to squeeze in 15 minutes between my mid-day and afternoon meetings to breathe deeply and realize what I had done. Then, as soon as my afternoon meeting was complete, I went home, took a bath, and sat on the couch daydreaming for 30 minutes before diving into the piles of paperwork that accumulate after a day of meetings.

Based on these actions, I was able to get a lot of work done in the hour between my daydreams and the excited "MOMMY!" that came from downstairs when my daughter came home. I was able to leave my desk and greet her and my husband with joy and excitement and even, yes, a little bit of energy.

Is this balance? I'm not sure, but it definitely feels better than trying to be Superwoman!

A Day For Chocolate

Yesterday was one of those days when all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and stare off into space while eating chocolate. Some days the pressure of balancing building a business with raising child is just overwhelming.

Although I was prepared to wallow in my blah-ness and log fewer than 3,000 steps for the day, I remembered that my fitness coach suggested that I push myself outside just for a five-minute walk when I feel like this. I put it off and put it off, but eventually at 9:30 p.m. I figured I might as well give it a shot.

Sure enough, after five minutes of walking, I was committed to going 10 more, and soon I had accomplished a 40-minute walk. The truth is, my body didn't feel great about it - for some reason it was stiff and complaining, but my mind really needed that walk! By the half-way point, the clouds in my head had cleared, and chocolate cravings, daydreams, and negative thoughts were completely gone.

This is the amazing mind-body connection that I am continually awed by. In the end, by taking care of myself first, I am able to be more successful both in business and in life.

Balancing Perfection with Getting Things Done

When you start a business, you need to establish some basic marketing materials: a logo; a website; a brochure; stationery; etc. I have noticed (in my work with clients) that some people have more trouble getting through these steps than others, and I think it has something to do with striving for perfection, which can also be thought of as a fear of doing things wrong.

Some psychologists say that in pursuing perfection we are actually avoiding failure. We are so afraid of putting ourselves out there that we hold back, delaying the processes that will make us a possible target for feedback.

What I have found is that putting our faith in someone else and allowing that person to help by building a website for us, or putting out a press release on our business, or otherwise promoting us to the world, can be terrifying for someone striving for perfection.

But, of course, we can't just ignore our perfectionist tendencies. Sometimes they are valid signals that the quality we seek is not being achieved. Thus, the true challenge is learning to discern perfectionism, or the avoidance of fear, from quality action, or the pursuit of something that accurately reflects us.

Obviously, this is not easy, and it is something that I and my clients struggle with regularly. What I have found is that just becoming aware of this balancing act and having empathy for our fear can sometimes help us get to quality action.